Grief – the good, the bad, and the ‘just leave me alone’
In a conversation with a dear friend, I shared how we are in a season of death.
Often, when we think of death, our first thought is usually the passing, loss of someone – usually a loved one – who is no longer on this earth.
Their face comes to mind.
A smile may cross your lips as you recollect a sweet memory.
Tears may stream while silently riding the bus or train home.
Death hits us all differently. And, even as individuals, our reactions and responses are different at different times.
Fear and grief – death’s cousins – quickly show up. Sometimes, it takes what seems like a long time for them to leave, too.
F E A R
Curt replies.
Running from a question, a disagreement, an issue, an opportunity.
Sadness.
Excuses.
Paralyzing.
These are a few examples of fear that either I have experienced or witnessed in my life.
And, boy, does it take time away from your time here on this earth! A fast-track to death, almost.
Reflect back (for some of us, we don’t have to reflect back too far!) to a moment where you behaved out of your normal character.
What triggered you? Do you even know? Was it something someone said or did? Was it a smell, sound, or something you saw?
I don’t think we are born with fear. I believe it is formed via our experiences and by what has been spoken over us.
That’s good!
Huh?
If we weren’t born with fear, then that means that we can change the trajectory of our life; live with less of it.
Or, for those who believe that fear is a good thing, we can focus more on using it to propel us into new phases where the type/level of fear changes – for our good.
G R I E F
Grief has no boundaries.
Just because people aren’t crying, bawling their eyes, does not mean that they are not grieving.
I’ve spent the past few months in a phase of silence, pretty much.
Pondering, reflecting, heart breaking, and honestly tired of issuing ‘sincerest condolences’ messages to and attending funerals for so many people near to me and those not so near.
Tired.
Drained.
Saddened – because life still goes on.
While the world may feel like it has stopped when shocking death occurs for someone, time still ticks on.
This is a reality that strikes the heart of grief.
Anger may be the first response as we see the continuance of others’ everyday lives.
At least that was my emotion when I experienced quite a few back-to-back deaths and urgencies in a short period some years ago. The world had stood still for me, yet not for everyone else.
So, does this mean that we should place a time limit on grief?
I think not.
Nature has a way of nudging you when it’s time to rise up and press on – move on from your oasis of grief.
While here, though, there’s an opportunity to get still and become more acquainted with your grief and with yourself. Study yourself more. Allow the past to comfort and strengthen you.
Silencing group chats, blocking people, hopping off of social media, removing your interaction with people that bring a constant unwelcoming energy. These can be starting points to getting settled (temporarily) in your oasis.
Death doesn’t just happen physically.
It happens in living relationships, opportunities, and even habits, too.
Former friendships. Whether you no longer communicate with one another or there’s been a shift in their role in your life – or vice-versa.
Separation/Divorce. At some point, there was a union of love, thoughts, or a special bond that is now no longer. Major decisions that involve third-parties are needed.
Made redundant/Laid-Off/Fired. A new job or what seemed like a lifetime at a job, dreams and day-to-day living were attached and are no disrupted.
Opportunity for change gone. College scholarship not renewed, visa denied, someone else chosen when you felt it was yours for the taking.
Former habits dropped. Comfort attitudes and behaviours causing a disruption to others’ perception and even relationships that you held closely and are now questioning if you should launch or stay.
Have you experienced death recently or are experiencing death now?
SIDE NOTE: Grief Etiquette 101: Please try to choose an alternative first or second statement when meeting someone who has experienced loss. Asking if their loved one died from a particular disease or manner or what happened to a now former (relationship, opportunity, habit) is not exactly polite. It may even invoke a reaction that may surprise you in a negative manner.
Death is death.
Grief is still grief.
Overshadowing one form of death with another using our personal rating scale is not too polite, either.
It is insulting to grief.
It is insulting to someone who is now burdened with grief while being forced to live, make major decision, and more.
Let’s pause before we open our mouths, listen to third party words, type anything.
REST IN PEACE…REST IN SLEEP…JUST BE to those who have died and to those experiencing death this season.
Let’s honour grief this season.
Healing is a part of grief.
Grief is a part of healing.
Let’s give a moment to grief.
SELAH
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Best,
Tamika
Broker with Platinum Realty
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Our goal is to Educate, Equip, and Enrich our clients for success along their journey (and sometimes, that includes helping them to turn within, too).
REAL ESTATE AGENTS WHO EDUCATE.
That’s us! That’s Platinum Realty!
We hope this post helps you.
Feel free to SHARE this post with others grieving or seeking to understand others who may be grieving this season.
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